Vanessa, 62, visits Cygnet Hospital Kewstoke every week to work with patients, using her own lived experience of mental ill health to offer encouragement, understanding and hope. Her journey comes after more than a decade of loneliness and struggling to cope.
“I spent 15 years of being very lonely, trying to find something, trying to be Mrs Nice to everybody,” she said. “I was trying to get what I now know as validation.”
Her mental health gradually declined, leading to extreme behaviours and poor physical health. “I was walking constantly, up to ten miles a day. And I wasn’t eating properly,” she explained.
Eventually, Vanessa reached crisis point. She added: “I came home from work and I thought, I’ve had enough. I don’t want to know anymore.” She later woke up in hospital with no memory of what had happened and was subsequently sectioned.
Reflecting on her admission to Cygnet Hospital Kewstoke, Vanessa said she initially felt terrified. “I realised I was going into a building where the doors were going to be locked behind me, albeit for my own safety.
“Even routine processes like ward rounds felt overwhelming.”
However, with the support of staff, she began to open up about her past and during her six-month stay, Vanessa engaged in a range of therapies and began to better understand herself.
She explained: “It was really hard work but I was looked after and nurtured. I found out that I was very angry and I was carrying this anger around with me. I was taught many coping strategies.
“I learned how to set boundaries and that was life-changing. I know now I don’t have to put up with certain things, I can withdraw, I can pull myself away from any difficult situation.”
After leaving hospital, Vanessa was determined to rebuild her independence. A major turning point came when she got her dog, Poppy. “She’s been my protective factor. She’s been my baby,” she said.
Two years after her discharge, Vanessa was contacted by a member of staff from the hospital who felt she would add value as an Expert by Experience, someone with lived experience of inpatient mental health settings who works with current patients to ensure their voice are heard. She now works with the Lived Experience Network.
“At first, I thought, why has this happened to me? Nobody rings you up and offers you a position,” she said. “But I realised it was an opportunity.
“Returning to the hospital wasn’t easy at all, I didn’t know if I could walk through the door. When I did, I couldn’t breathe properly. I was shaking.
“But I was met with such understanding and support from the staff. They said you can make this role exactly what you want. I felt so encouraged.”
Vanessa has since built her confidence and now plays a key role in supporting patients, particularly through creative sessions. She knows that there is always support at hand within the building.
With a degree in art, she uses creativity as a way to connect with others and runs informal sessions where patients can express themselves and reflect on their progress.
“I talk to the patients through the art,” she said. “You can feel it, the anxiety levels are just sinking away in the room when they really immerse themselves in it.
“At the end of the session, we talk about what we’ve achieved and how it’s made you feel.”
For Vanessa, the most important part of her role is offering hope.
“Hopefully by seeing me on my journey now, it gives them enough encouragement to think, ‘you’re going to get out of this and you’re going to feel better’,” she said.
“My openness helps build trust with patients. They learn that I’m not a member of staff, I’ve been where they are and it helps them to be honest with me.”
Vanessa has also contributed to improvements within services, including helping to shape changes to the ward round experience.
“Staff are always asking me ‘how can we make it better?’” she said. “It’s not a token gesture, they really want to hear from the patients and take their opinions and thoughts on board. They’ll always listen and make changes when it’s appropriate. I’ve been very impressed with how much they care.”
Now travelling weekly from Torquay to volunteer her time, Vanessa says the role gives her a strong sense of purpose.
“I’m very, very proud of how far I’ve come,” she said. I’m really passionate about challenging stigma around mental health and this role is perfect for helping me to do that.
“You never know what’s around the corner, I won’t have people saying others should just ‘get it together’.
“I’m giving back because there’s so much encouragement that I can give, I have a lot to offer people who are going through their dark days, and helping them see the bright future that’s possible.”