How to listen when someone opens up – Time to Talk Day

What is active listening?

Active listening is a recognised communication technique that helps create a safe, supportive space for someone to talk about their thoughts and feelings. It’s about listening to understand, rather than listening to respond or fix the problem.

Techniques for listening with empathy

Here are 7 techniques that you can use when someone opens up to you about their mental health.

1. Pay attention to your body language

• Lean in slightly to show interest
• Use a relaxed, open posture – avoid crossing your arms or hunching over
• Sit as still as you can and avoid fidgeting

2. Show that you are listening

• Use appropriate eye contact
• Offer gentle vocal cues such as “mmhmm” or “I see”
• Nod at key moments
• Be aware of your facial expressions and how they may be interpreted

3. Avoid distractions

• Put your phone away
• Minimise interruptions to show they have your full attention

4. Slow down

• Go at their pace
• Allow silences – they can give someone space to think and continue
• Respect their boundaries if they don’t want to share everything

5. Reflect back what you hear

• Summarise or paraphrase what they’ve said to check your understanding
• For example: “So, if I’ve understood correctly…”
• This is known as reflective listening and helps people feel heard and understood

6. Ask open‑ended questions

• Ask questions like “How are you feeling today?” rather than “Are you feeling sad?”
• Use gentle clarifying questions such as “What do you mean by…?” to deepen your understanding

7. Validate their experience

• Instead of jumping in with solutions, acknowledge how they feel
• Use phrases like “That sounds really hard” or “I hear you”
• Thank them for trusting you with their story
• Reassure them they’ve done the right thing by speaking up
• Let them know how proud they should be for reaching out

Look after yourself too

Listening to someone who is struggling can be emotionally challenging. Stay calm and notice what comes up for you during the conversation. It’s okay to take a moment to ground yourself if needed.

You don’t have to do this alone. Make sure you’re looking after your own wellbeing by eating well, resting, and using simple mindfulness or grounding techniques. When appropriate, encourage the person to seek additional support.