For this research Ipsos, on behalf of the UK Men’s Sheds Association, interviewed 4,763 adults aged 18-75 in the UK – 1,205 of whom were men aged 50-75.
In response to the findings, Dr Salim Matta, Cygnet’s Regional Medical Director (North), explained why men of this age often find it difficult to talk about their feelings. He also highlighted some key things that men can do to help improve their emotional wellbeing.
Societal expectation and gender norms are damaging for men over 50. Older generations have been raised to be stoic and self-reliant, and mental health was viewed as taboo and something to be kept privately within the family.
Stress and anxiety is normal but, as we know, men are generally less likely to express their emotions, or seek help for mental health problems. The fear of ‘being judged’, ‘not knowing how to start a conversation’, and believing they should be seen as a ‘strong figure’ are among the main reasons they feel unable to talk about what’s going on, which shows just how damaging gender stereotypes can be. They do not want to appear weak and therefore they do not open up about what they are going through.
Many men over the age of 50 have grown up in a time when talking about mental health struggles was considered taboo. Unfortunately, that stereotype has made it difficult for them to express themselves in today’s environment, where mental health is talked about and discussed more openly. This stigma, and ultimately a lack of awareness of mental health support amongst the older generation, is a reason why some may struggle. They have had much less exposure to mental health resources than today’s generations.
Additionally, for men who have retired and find themselves struggling with their mental health, the ending of their career means they have lost a crucial support system. They are no longer exposed to an avenue where they could talk to people and express themselves.
What issues do many men of this age demographic struggle with?
Loneliness and social isolation are key risk factors for mental health conditions in later life. As men get older, they may start to experience physical symptoms associated with aging such as erectile dysfunction, reduced mobility, chronic pain, frailty, dementia or other health problems, which all have a knock on effect on their mental health. Cases of other health conditions such as prostate cancer and testicular cancer rise as men approach 50 which can exacerbate feelings of anxiety and depression.
Additionally, the cumulative impacts of earlier life experiences may start to come into play and impact their mental wellbeing. Older men are also more likely to experience life events such as bereavement, a stalling career, drop in income which causes financial worries, or reduced sense of purpose with retirement. Additionally, some adults are subject to ageism in society which can impact their mental health.
Older men may struggle to maintain strong social connections, especially once they retire and this feeling of loneliness and being socially disconnected can have a mental health impact. Many men may lose their sense of self-worth once they age and stop working and combined with financial concerns and worries about access to pensions and the cost of living crisis, many men can turn to substance misuse.
What warning signs might indicate that they are struggling with their mental health?
Men can be guilty of bottling things up and this can escalate and those around them do not always know they are going through a difficult period. It isn’t clear why depression can affect men and women differently. It may be due to brain chemistry, hormones and life experiences. These differences also could stem from the traditional male role, which discourages the expression of emotions and encourages behaviour which gives the impression of power and stature.
Older men with depression may display signs such as feelings of sadness, not socialising, irregular sleep patterns, lack of motivation, lack of appetite and not engaging with activities they previously enjoyed. They may avoid social activities and become socially withdrawn.
Other symptoms include escapist behaviour such as spending time at work or out of the home, increasing alcohol intake, showing signs of controlling behaviour, being angry more regularly and showing signs of reckless behaviour, such as taking risks like driving too fast. They may feel agitated, lash out and suffer mood swings. Physical symptoms of depression include increased pain, headaches, lack of appetite, losing weight, lack of energy or digestive issues.
Additionally, some men may make reference to “I don’t want to be a burden” or “what is the purpose of life?” If they start to talk about death or suicide, this is the demographic who can often follow through with the threat and it requires serious and immediate intervention.
How should I approach a conversation about mental health with them? How can I get them to open up?
Start with empathy and care. Express your concerns in a gentle and non-judgemental matter. Explain how you have noticed changes in their behaviour, note what those changes are and emphasise that your concerns comes from a place of wanting to help, you are not criticising.
You should validate their experiences and acknowledge it can be difficult for men of their generation and you understand the societal pressures they may be facing. Keep reinforcing that it’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to reach out for help. Do some research beforehand and suggest small steps and coping mechanisms they may want to look into.
Also offer to help with practical matters such as researching therapists or booking appointments. Offer help in seeking professional support. You might want to offer to go to the GP with them, or talk to a family member, although try not to take control.
Go and talk to someone rather than sending them a text or email – start off with something neutral like: “Why don’t you tell me how you are feeling?” or “I can see you are feeling low?” This way you can find out what’s troubling them and what you can do to help.
Let them share as much or as little as they want to. Let them lead the discussion. Talking can take a great deal of courage and trust. You might be the first person they have been able to talk to.
Listen to what they tell you, without making assumptions. While offering support, try not to jump in with your own diagnosis or solutions.
Call out anyone who makes a disparaging remark about someone with a mental illness. Tell them why they’re wrong and educate them. It’s one way we can we break the stigma surrounding mental illness.
What can they do to help improve their mental health? Could encouraging them to socialise more help?
My advice to men struggling with their mental health invest in your emotional capital. These can be simple steps like eating healthily, going to the gym, socialising with friends and avoiding social media. Small steps can have a big impact. Looking after yourself is a decision. All of us are worth that self-investment.
For older adults, social connection is particularly important to reduce risk factors such as social isolation and loneliness, which we know can cause depression and other mental health struggles. Examples include volunteer and charity work, befriending initiatives, community and support groups, creative arts group, learning a new hobby and keeping fit and active by joining an exercise class or club. Pursuing a hobby they enjoy reinforces a sense of purpose. They could also join a support group, particularly if they are struggling with matters such as bereavement or retirement.
It is also important that older men continue exhibiting a healthy lifestyle including a balanced diet, remaining physically active, refraining from tobacco and restricting alcohol intake. Activities like mindfulness and meditation may also help. Though importantly, they should seek professional help if it becomes too much.
Do you have any other advice?
My advice is to the younger generation, perhaps the children or grandchildren of those struggling. Educate your older relative. Reinforce how positive it is to take steps to look after your mental health and that asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but strength. It will help to reduce the stigma.