I have come further in this admission than the rest, because the staff genuinely care and will make time for you. I was on 3:1 and in long term segregation for 5 months on my first admission and was struggling with flashbacks and harmful behaviours. I was a risk to myself, and others at points. I would also never participate in ward rounds.
Cygnet has been the best service I have come to. They care. When I first came, I didn’t engage and tried my hardest to keep people away and at a distance. I didn’t want to talk because I thought everybody was going to leave. My risks were too high to be managed in the community and when I was doing the ‘risky biscuit’ behaviours, I believed I was better off dead and everyone was better off without me and that I deserved to be punished.
I have Emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) and Attachment disorder, and I have been in services for 5 years with 2 failed discharges.
Things that have helped me
The staff have helped me by constantly reassuring me, I know that they genuinely do care and knowing that if they do leave, it is nothing to do with me. The Multi-disciplinary team (MDT) wouldn’t leave me alone, and I knew I wanted/needed to change because I didn’t want to feel how I felt forever.
The Psychology team worked around me, there was no pressure to attend groups or individual therapy, and that helped because it wasn’t forced on me. Getting daily pictures of The Grinch or Frozen 2 scenes also helped (to provide daily, ‘easy’ engagement in an area of interest to increase familiarity and trust initially) Occupational Therapy (OT) never pressured me to join and they gave me a safe space to open up when I felt like it and they allowed me to open up in my own time. Psychology and OT also gave me a varied range of different games to do and the Social work assistant called me the ‘safeguarding queen!’
I have coping strategies including Rummikub, Skyjo, watching The Grinch or Frozen 2, TikTok, Just Dance, UNO, card games, Monopoly, Therapeutic 1:1’s, accessing Section 17 leave, music, and Cheshire cat (my cuddly cat).
How things changed
Things started to change when I realized I needed to change for myself, friends, and family. I know I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life and I hated feeling so low and it broke me when my younger family members were asking when I was coming home. I began talking a lot more and began trusting more when I was talking about it and people weren’t leaving.
I am able to trust more staff and since working with Unicorn Ward staff and I have taken my skills onto my new ward (Adult Ward) as well. I have learnt to cope with my struggles and intrusive thoughts and that it is ok to trust people. I put my requests forward in meetings.
When I first got to Unicorn Ward at Cygnet Hospital Sheffield, I couldn’t go 6 hours without being a ‘risky biscuit’ now I can go weeks at a time. Now I’ve got leave, working up to home leave.
How do I interact with people now? – Really well, I listen to them and talk when I need to and when I need to and I’m better at asking for staff support and I can ask for PRN when it’s needed and I haven’t had to have medication through injection this admission which is better than my previous admissions because it was basically daily. I put my 2 pence in, I request what I need, I input my point with medication reviews and I am now part of my discussions.
I know when to ask staff for additional support when it is needed. I feel like I am finally on the right medication after them being changed a lot. I’ve noticed such an improvement and they listened to me when I said my ‘as and when needed’ medication felt like it wasn’t working. I want to get better now and I’ve learnt staff will not judge you and not everybody is perfect every day, what is the definition of perfect, I mean everybody has bad days. I want to get better and the staff help me feel valid.