Prior to starting my recovery journey at Cygnet Nield House, I spent over a decade on enhanced observations in an acute ward following the untimely passing of my beloved daughter and other past traumatic experiences dating back to early life. These childhood wounds left me with an impending sense of doom in anticipation of being harmed again. I sensed threat in everyone and everything around me and felt unable to tolerate being alone, which made me almost entirely dependent on a care team and the confines of a hospital to help me feel protected and manage the uncertainty of every day.
My typical day consisted of isolating myself in my bedroom and oversleeping to avoid emotional pain; I felt trapped in the past, as though I was coasting on survival mode, not wholeheartedly living. I believed that I would remain in hospital until my last day on this earth.
Upon arrival to Cygnet Nield House, I felt uneasy owing to the sudden change in environment/social scenery and also sceptical as it was totally different to any other mental health setting I had been in before.
To begin, I worked on a collaborative psychological formulation which gave me a safe space to claim back the narrative of my life and gain a deeper understanding of the link between historical influences and safety strategies that once served a survival function, but became harmful. This was also developed with a view to informing my personalised treatment pathway.
I was also offered the opportunity to engage in a wide range of alternative therapies (a mix of individual and group-based) such as seeking safety, compassion focused therapy, sensorimotor, trauma recovery and empowerment model, cognitive remediation therapy and eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing [EMDR]. I believe that these were tailored to meet my outstanding treatment needs instead of simply ‘ticking the box’.
Cygnet Nield House has not attempted to rush my recovery but instead used a graded approach regarding all aspects of my care (nursing, occupational therapy, dietetics and psychology) to promote independence, empowerment and healing. This has allowed me to broaden/consolidate my repertoire of coping skills, establish secure attachments with both members of staff and fellow peers which has equipped me with the emotional tools needed to engage in high intensity trauma work; this has begun to significantly reduce symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder and reshape the lens through which I view myself, others and the world.
I am now on general observations and have achieved informal status. However, I also want to see my recovery at Cygnet Nield House through until treatment finishes.
My admission to Cygnet Nield House gave me something to wake up for until I slowly began to regain a genuine sense of enjoyment previously lost. I have reconnected with my hobbies (e.g., table tennis, gardening, coffee dates, making flower arrangements, and fundraising for charity) and can clearly envision myself outside of hospital. I have goals and plans that I want to stick around for.
The multidisciplinary team at Cygnet Nield House rescued me, and for the first time in forever, I actually think things are going to be okay. I am sharing a piece of my story in the hopes of encouraging anyone who sees a glimpse of themselves in me to choose recovery because it’s truly worth it and more possible than you might think.