I was in hospital for 5 years for my mental health – three years in an acute ward in Ireland and then two years in Roseacre Ward at Cygnet Hospital Maidstone. From there, I moved to Cygnet’s Supported Living and now I have started my dream course at university. It has been an absolute whirlwind of a journey, and I would love to share my story with you – from hitting rock-bottom more times than I can count to feeling truly and completely content with my life.
I have struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember. At school I was extremely shy and experienced mental health problems that meant I was in part-time education from ages 13-18. I had home-schooling for my GCSE’s, as I was too unwell to attend school, and I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings with CAMHS. I didn’t even understand my own feelings – all I knew was I hated how I felt and refused to see a positive future for myself.
I managed to complete my A-Levels part-time, aiming to attend university, but my mental well-being declined to the point where I was admitted to an acute ward in Ireland. I was there for three years, including during the pandemic. I felt isolated and alone. I knew I wanted specialist help, so after researching DBT (Dialetical Behavioural Therapy) wards in England I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to move to Roseacre Ward at Cygnet Hospital Maidstone.
During my stay in Roseacre Ward, I had the most incredible support that has been invaluable throughout my recovery. I received my autism diagnosis which made me feel validated; it helped me understand why I always felt like an ‘outsider’, why I struggled so much with socialising and friendships, and why my thinking was often ‘black and white’. I felt safe to explore my gender identity and sexuality, something that staff supported me with, and I am now at the point where I feel proud to be non-binary.
As difficult as I found DBT, I am continuously grateful that I now have skills to manage my emotions and communicate effectively with others. I have not self-harmed in six months, I have built healthy relationships, I can be assertive, and I can understand my emotions so much better than before. I left Roseacre as a completely different person, a huge step closer in discovering my authentic self.
After my stay at Roseacre Ward, I moved to Cygnet Supported Living. As beneficial as my support in hospital was, it had been years since I lived in the community. I had learned as much as I felt able to at Roseacre, from DBT to daily-living skills, and I needed to begin to implement them in the ‘real world’. I was terrified. But after settling in and living in the community for a while, I realised there is so much more to life than being in hospital, and freedom felt amazing.
During my stay in supported living, I achieved so much: I travelled independently to new places including Manchester, Blackpool, Edinburgh, Glasgow, and even Ireland; I began cooking for myself and trying new foods; I understand how to budget and pay bills; I started attending an arts and crafts group where my confidence grew even more. The staff at supported living helped me achieve so many of my goals, the biggest one being applying then starting university. Something I still can’t believe is real!
I am the happiest I have ever been. I have engaged in new hobbies through joining different university societies and I have rediscovered old interests like dance and being creative. I am really enjoying studying Creative Computing; it feels almost surreal to be back in education again, in the best way! I feel able to be myself when meeting new people and my social skills are improving constantly.
As positive as my life is, though, I still have difficult days (as does everyone!). Sometimes I feel tempted to slip back into old, unhealthy behaviours, but I am able to notice this before anything escalates. I feel able to ask for help and understand that it is okay to not be okay all of the time. I still hate change, but I can cope with it now. Life can be beautiful and scary and exciting and challenging all at once, and I can’t wait to see what my future holds. I have a bright future ahead of me and I am so proud of all I have achieved through the support of Cygnet.